I bow my head in humility and have a strong urge to go and brush the dry leaves off the temples front yard with a wooden broom every time I hear sensei Steven speak, and I rarely hear him speak as he usually mumbles something in a semi coherent voice…
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out."
Such deep disturbed thoughts mixed with so much nonsense, non-sense and known sense can make any other comedian blush and go look for a job as a greeter in wall mart.
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. "
The fact sensei Steven looks like he just woke up on a bus station bench only adds to the whole Zen master appeal, where looks are not deceiving as they mean absolutely nothing at all. The old suit, the brushy hair on verge of extinction, the always worried troubled look on an idiots face, they all are part of something , not a persona, but a real humor monk essence, a real d-enlightenment of our senses.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
The thing that always fascinates me about sensei Steven is that he is a different breed of comedian. If you take a good look around you will see that the stand up world is divided into three categories. The angry preachers who tell you why you are an idiot, the moaning whiners who complain about everything, usually in a disguise of 'did you ever notice' schtick, and the entertainers who just want to get a laugh. Sensei Steven is none of the above. As usual. I think 'none of the above' should be the title of his autobiography.
How young can you die of old age? "
Sensei Steven is just making observations. That is all. If you look at his shows, you can clearly see he is surprised every time there is any response from the audience. He is just making observations, almost talking to himself.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
The fact there are thousands of people sitting on the edge of their chair trying to hear what he said in his usual murmuring low voice is just coincidental. And if you pay attention you can hear that silence in those thirty seconds until the dime drops and the idea manages to penetrate the audience normal brain functions which are not adapt to this kind of mutilating manipulation of what you thought was quite solid logic. What did he just say? He…what?
A lot of people are afraid of heights.
Not me, I'm afraid of widths
And he is definitely the most optimistic person I know. He knows, that in the end, no matter how cynical we choose to be, everything will go exactly as planned and there is absolutely nothing to worry about. The fact that the plan is to screw with you until you will die is another story, but it's all good…
When everything is coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane."
But do not fall into the trap of thinking sensei Steven is just another monk talking over your head and thinking wide and vast thoughts with no real practical goal. Oh no, sensei Steven will give you solid advice on the important things in life too:
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck,
but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. "
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.
I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety."
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
Sitting on his temple of this bus-station bench and contemplating the universe has made him very wise indeed ,Not to mention his astounding accomplishments in the fields of physics and nature studies. When sensei Steven starts his lectures of the applied sciences, even the space-time continuum stops continuming and just stands there looking at him with a puzzled expression…
I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare."
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks."
If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?"
And how can we end this article without some of sensei Steven social commentary, being more relevant today then any time, as the fight against greed and corruption is well on its way, and these are these pearls of light which….well, they don’t really help actually, but they do keep us smiling while we fight the 'powers to be'…
You can't have everything.
Where would you put it?"
some people say sensei steven is ironic. Some people say.
ironic? Pfff….I guess they just don’t get him…
in the end, you have to remember these immortal words of wisdom: